there is this girl, who always takes things for granted in life...
she loves to joke around, play, have fun..
never once did she bother to think about her future...
she was very naughty and playful in her primary school life..
suddenly darkness has spread into her cheerful life in the most crucial parts of her life..
it was p6 tat year, everyone will be sitting for psle tat year...
and to her, like always was a normal year...
she didnt know whats going to happen to her after..
neither did she ever bother to find out...
her mum will always scold her, beat her to make sure she understands and study...
but she never...
and the day the results were released, it was that day her life started to turn upside down...
she went into the n(a) stream...
she went to this school tat she was posted too...
it was far from her place...
its like a new land for her...
during tat period, her mum scolded her, beat her for not studying well enough...
she cried alot ...
cuz the friends she was with, all left her...
she help them with their school work, neglecting hers...
they went to the school of their choice but she did not ...
not only tat...
she didnt know how her cousins will react ...
after knowing that her brother went to na also, and she also went to na stream...
she didnt realise at first, bt she did later...
her cousins all look down on her for going that stream...
so what if all her cousins went to the express stream and she didnt...
they look down and hurt her feelings...
during her first year in secondary , her life was tough, but how she manage to pull through, only she knows that...
faithfully every saturday she went to her paternal grandmother house...
bt sooner she stop going there after sometimes because of the treatment she received from her cousins...
then she never go there at all until there is some function ..
then suddenly one day, some light came back to her life...
when she was in sec 2, she didnt know what life had in store for her then bt whatever it was, it happen for the good and unknowingly ...
when she realised that she was promoted to the express stream..
she didnt know whether to be happy or not...
it was like losing her friends and at the same time gaining a chance to study well and better..
she left the choice to her parents and they put her in the express stream...
during those 2 year, she was so happy with her new friends and studies and school life...
bt she didnt forget her life in na and her friends...
one thing was for sure, when her cousins realise tat she made it through to express, they were pretty shocked and surprise... cuz they thought that she can never make it until she proved it to them...
and she did bt yeah, she still didnt talk to them....
never at all.. she still has her pride and she doesnt want to be hurt again ever... esp by her own loved ones...
when it comes to hari raya gathering, she was hurt the most...
once, twice, she kept quiet bt now she cant do it at all ready...
if her cousins has some problems with her, that is her and their problems..
but if adult interferes.. it hurts like one shit...
tat she really couldnt take it and she fall out with her dad most of the times...
she was really one stubborn girl...
then why suddenly when the o levels resutls are out, why one by one call up to ask ?
what happen to tat 5 years of grudge ??
forget it so fast just to know about the results and then remember it again after knowing about it...
what happen when she was so sick during her sec 3 years that she might have to be admitted to the hosipital because her cough was getting bad to worst...
where were they when her mother needed an adult for accompany ??
where were they when she was suffering so much ??
did they call?? did they bother to find out whether she was still alive or dead??
NO! no one bother to do tat... guess they will be glad to hear that she would be dead...
only her maternal grandmother and aunts called and find out...
day by day her maternal granny was worried and so was her mum..
they esp her mum thought that she was suffering from some illnes that has to do with her lung..
her worries started to began when the doc suggested of having a chest x-ray...
bt her mum didnt want, so the doc, a family doctor increase the doseage and thank god, she recovered well...
so where were her paternal sides when she needed or dnt need them ??
where were their concern then ??
and why now the sudden so call concern???
juz to see whether they manage to beat her in the results ???
its all a piece of shit...
whatever she was up till today was all her own achievements and ya thanks to the cruel treatment that gave her the motivaiton...
now, she is in such a road, in such a situation in which she dont know which way to turn..
she has her choices but she now leaves it up to fate and god...
to her, her life seems to be limited of choices but she knows she wont give up...
she has never gave up before so she will never...
why i know so much about this girl ??
cuz this girl and the story i wrote above is me...
that is my dark side and my life story...
the story, the events and the memories i will never forget in those years of my life in which i should enjoy and not suffer in slience ....
but what to do, like always, i cant be strong even though i want to be....
thats my life alright...
bt i believe everything happens for a reason...
so there must be something behind all this....
*coffin about the overseas, i leave it up to fate... if not now, i will go later..but right now, my mum and bro needs me... whatsoevers happen, it will happen for good.. no worries ya... i have sort of learn alot of things in personal life and now also ... so i know how to handle my life.. i guess so... take care ya !
